Figuring Out What Kind of Mom I Want to Be
On toys, Walmart, and the Montessori approach
Last Wednesday, I packed Leo in the car and headed to Walmart, determined to find him a new sticker book to occupy his toddler brain for 8 hours while I worked.

It was Day 3 of my 2.5-year-old being home sick from school – along with most children this flu-ish time of year. His fever was gone, and he seemed to be in that frightening zone of still needing a recovery day before going back to daycare, but being well enough to jump off couches and tear the house apart.
In an effort to keep him busy so I could get longer spurts of work done, I resorted to a Walmart trip for new toys.
Mistake.
Parents, how many of you have been here: You load the Walmart checkout cart with as much cheap plastic crap as you can fathom buying for one day, knowing each toy has about a 20-minute shelf life before your little one tires of it for good? Or worse, knowing you’ll be ready to clear house and get rid of it in just a few weeks?
This to me felt like failure.
Since Leo was born, I’ve read book after book on parenting. One of my favorites is The Montessori Toddler. I love the Montessori method of helping kids be independent by being involved in everyday life. Who doesn’t want their kid to learn to do things on their own?
But reading and implementing are two wildly different things. It’s easy to read passively about screen-less activities for your child while they’re cuddled up on you watching their shows. It’s another thing to put your coffee down and do the work.
While Leo was home sick all of last week, we watched the movie Up at least twice a day, sometimes more.
The screen-filled, Walmart-filled week was a wakeup call to me. I felt like I was failing, but then I realized, I’m not even sure what my idea of success is here. When have I ever asked myself what kind of mom I want to be?
I see scenes that I love – moms with their kids at the coffee shops, moms on Instagram baking with their kids, moms who are dressed to kill with their children in tow.
Moms who look chill.
When I look at them I think, why isn’t that me?
Being the youngest of two, my upbringing didn’t consist of being around many little kids. I don’t remember being a toddler. (Do you?) When I’d think of motherhood, I instantly went to the school-aged years. I remember that age.
I know I want to be supportive of who my children are and whatever they’re into. I want to show up and be there for them always. How does that translate to toddler years?
Being supportive that those little toddler brains are developing at a rapid speed and processing so much every day. Helping him process those feelings that are often bigger than his little body. And, sharing his passion for all things trains.
To make myself feel better, I made a list of things I have helped Leo to do (somewhat) independently:
make coffee
do his laundry
fill Yoshi’s food bowl
turn his alarm clock on and off
he’s fully potty trained!
sometimes cleans up his toys (though when he does, it’s always done in an organized way)
says “thank you” 75% of the time
covers his cough 50% of the time
say “please” 25% of the time (we’re working on that one)
These are big wins for a 2.5-year-old, no doubt. But I want to be a better influence about toys and consumption. He knows too well what going to the store means. He things every Amazon package is for him and is very sad if it’s not.
Little by little, we’ll get there.
I’m going to be exploring and trying things out and writing about it here. “Mom Needs Coffee” is in the exploratory phase of figuring out what it wants to be, and I’m seeing it become a place for me to explore what I’m learning in motherhood, a place for implementing and reporting how it goes. I’ve shared my “parenting things I’ve tried” in previous newsletters, so that section might get a little bigger going forward.
If you know a parent who could benefit from this, please share with them.
And if you are a parent who knows what they’re doing, please tell me all your secrets.
TS Song of the Week: “Welcome to New York”
If you’re into the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce hype, you may have heard “Welcome to New York” in the NFL promo for the Chiefs vs. Jets game last weekend. This moment has been the only thing to catch my attention while Kyle has had football on this season. Thank you, Taylor, for making football finally become interesting 🙂
What I’m Reading – Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I’m late to the Taylor Jenkins Reid club, but I’m hooked. Carrie Soto is Back tells the story of a record-holding tennis star coming out of retirement to defend her title. I love watching sports movies, but I haven’t read many sports novels, definitely none about a woman or tennis. This book was engaging and so well written, I highly recommend it.
I love it Michelle just trying to figure out how to send it to Cody